Unsatisfied

I know that my sex sessions with the partners I’ve been with were not great at all but I try to enjoy it. I’ve come to realise that I am not the type who can enjoy sex with no strings attached, even though I don’t get attached I realised that I must have the emotions to be able to feel the want in having sex with that person rather than doing it for the sake of it.

I don’t like having quickies because my downstairs doesn’t moisture itself at all, with most of my sex partners i was dry as ever and only with the dj have I actually experimented sex with lube, which helped a lot.

Even though I am extremely self conscious naked with a sex partner and admittedly said for not enjoying foreplay (when the guy goes down on me) but I do sometimes feel that even though I say I don’t enjoy it, when it’s time for sex try and make a little effort and reciprocate after I go down on you because I do it to please you, so why can’t you do that for me? Don’t do it for a split second, spend time to get me in the mood at least. Thinking back, all my sex partners have only been down on me on the first-second sex sessions then that will be the end of it!

I know sex is based on communication but I was never good at communicating with partners, friends, and family in general! I’ll always keep quiet because that’s what I normally do when I’m angry or confronted.

I never told anyone till a few days ago to my mom, I wanted to ask her if she ever felt the way I did. After having a quickie with the dj on Sunday, the moment he’d left I noticed my downstairs didn’t feel sensitive or legs feel like jelly like it normally does after sex. The whole evening till the next day I kept forgetting that I did in fact have sex and not dream about it. This is the second person I’ve forgotten that I slept with, it’s hard to explain, I guess it was a mental block? And because the sex was so awful and bad it was normal for me to think of it as a none memorable experience.

Both my friends and mom say to just go out and get another lover… But like I told the dj and them, I am the type to sleep with someone and stay with them rather than the type to keep sleep with different people. Like with my previous experiences, I would sleep with a person but stop after a while from boredom and go through a dry spell for months (6-7months to 1-1.5years) and sleep with the next person.

Back in London I tried doing a one-night stand and I felt disgusted with myself and felt like a huge slut as well as a bitch for sleeping with them than ignoring them after I found out one of them had given me an std. A lesson to keep to not do it again in the future!

I need good sex! I am now obsessed with wanting a good “fuck” session, where I sweat and can’t breathe as well as wanting more of him. I want him to bash my brains on the bed post and be loud and give me shivers down my spine. This is all I can think of for the past few weeks, ESPECIALLY with the bad bad sex with the dj. I know I should stop but I want some action and I don’t have anyone to call for a booty call. Though it would be nice for the sessions to be a lot longer than 10minutes! Once we did go for almost an hour, which was good, but I didn’t enjoy it and felt it was a little to long as grew tired, as it was 5-6am after a long night of clubbing.

I don’t know what to do? Porn is boring, I hate watching it because it’s to rough, I don’t feel any pleasure when I use my vibrator, instead get bored pretty quickly because I know it’s a machine rather than a guy. I seem to pick the wrong people for sex.

 

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2 comments

  1. You really need to find a guy who wants you to enjoy it as much as possible which if course means doing the groundwork 🙂 with foreplay. I love seeing the girl squirm then i know I done a good start to get her juices started as well as mine… But you will find someone, unfortunately it takes time 😦

  2. Read all 50 Shades of grey books, it helps your sexlife, it makes you aware of how you can enjoy it more and feel more sensations. I found it brilliant and really helped me enjoying it for myself more! Still you need nice guy who really want sto please you, not one of those selfish ones! Good luck!

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