The last post i wrote i said my vagina would be close till the time i had a boyfriend… That plan had vanished the moment i posted it. Instead of finishing what ever sex benefit without the benefit part with the dj, we kept contacting each other and hooking up. Last weekend though it was a little better, maybe because we both were drinking? But eventually i dried up pretty quickly and had to use lubricant to help the feeling and lost interest pretty quickly after starting the sex, i just kept thinking of going to sleep and for the sex to be over.
Other than contacting with the dj, not much has been happening, except for talking to the french bouncer who works with the dj. I accidentally gave my number, well actually not ‘accidentally’ i gave and felt stupid the next morning but thankfully there has been no word from him which is good. Don’t want to add more drama in the working environment for them and me being a regular customer at the club, it’d be very awkward.
Next story update, my mom came back from London and is visiting my brother and i in Perth, while she’s here, i suddenly had this urge to open up to her about my sexual history. We kind of had a heart to heart conversation like this at the start of the year and she knew about the chlamydia scenario, and is actually more like a big sister/friend when we talk about sex. I told her abit about the dj and explaining how bad the benefits part was, to my surprise she and along with all my other friends said the same thing “if the benefits is bad, find the next one.” I would have never imagined my mom say such a thing to me! While sharing our sexual history it turned out my mom was abit of a rebel which is actually something i’ve inherited, though she slept with more men than i but then again i’m sure i’ll be catching up.
Recently since the end of semester celebration on friday with class mates, the guy i’ve been completely fantasysing for the whole semester was celebrating with us and have been messaging each other on a daily basis since i gave my number on saturday. Even though he has a girlfriend! Red flag! I can’t help it though, the more i message or receive a message from him i get attracted and smile at his messages, i even look forward to his replies. We hung out this evening and for the first time in a long time i wanted to kiss rather than be surprised kissed. We talked for a little while and opened up about our personal lives, rather than feeling nervous and uncomfortable i felt safe and comforted that he was by my side. Being together felt like we were the only two people around, making me forget my problems. But then again i kept reminding myself to stop wanting more and to stop what ever this friendship was developing into because even when we agreed to hanging out and staying friends, i know it would never really happen because i’d eventually want more.