Getting off the roller coaster ride

A week has passed since the awkward date with the dj guy. He came to pick me up from uni yesterday and took me home, we watched a movie which lasted 2hours! Atleast i wasn’t bothered, though i wanted to run away, didn’t care if it was running away from my own place, i was suffocating.

When the movie ended, i could sense he was trying to kiss me. He made a cheesy opening line before leaning in to kiss me on the couch “its our anniversary!”… wtf was my response and laughed. “It’s been a week since the date” and started kissing me. Since i was on my period i was not expecting anything from him or wanting it from him because i was afraid something like the last time would happen again.

I admit, i can be a little dominant, though most guys won’t allow me to be on top! I made myself more comfortable and wrapped my legs around his waist while he sat on the sofa. We kept kissing and getting more comfortable, though the drug sensation wasn’t there and the kiss felt useless. My mind was distracted and not getting into the rhythm!

He positioned me so i was now lying on my back while he was on top, he was gentle and wrapped his arms around my leg and head. The way he held me was nothing like any other man ever felt me, a strange feeling but enjoyable.

With a gut feeling of knowing my brother was going to walk through the door was increasing and within seconds you hear the door opening and he stormed into the apartment. The dj and i jumped off each others embrace and sat down pretending to text and continuing a random conversation. I walked up to my brother and told him to introduce himself, which he did without any embarrassment. I could tell the dj was feeling awkward and wanted to leave, so i walked him out the door and waved goodbye as he drove off.

Last night while gossiping to my mom, i told her about my brother walking in on us, but at the same time changing the story around to make it sound as though we had just arrived home. She sensed my distress and i truthfully told her that i wasn’t feeling any chemistry from him nor seeing the same level of maturity. I was contemplating ignoring him or even telling him it wasn’t working. We were from complete different worlds! I knew he’d judge me before i welcomed him into the apartment, i turned and said to not judge me or comment on the place. He didn’t but it was seen all over his face when he stood in my room in silence and looked at pictures pinned on the pin board.

The next afternoon, arriving back from a long day of uni, my phone chimed the moment i got back home. As i opened it, i saw he’d messaged me a long message expressing his feelings “Look i’ve been thinking and i don’t think we really click. I know it’s not what u want to hear and this comes out of the blue but if i’ve learnt anything its to go with my gut feeling and i don’t wanna lead u on if i know in the end i’m gonna just cut it. I think we might have rushed things which i blame myself for. Just so u know it’s nothing u have done it’s just that we are different people and i don’t think we click right.” My response, “Atleast i wasn’t the only 1 feeling this way. Thanks for letting me knw, saves the trouble from both ignoring each other! My world seems ‘intimidating’ which is y i keep it private in order for people to not judge. Anyways, if u still want we can remain friends instead, its up to u.”

Clearly he felt intimidated by my parents wealth! The thing i hate about people whom i meet is they judge my appearance rather than my personality. This sort of behaviour isn’t the first time i’ve gone through, i used to feel so ashamed of my background. Now since i’m older and this is the world i know and love, i don’t feel ashame, instead i embrace it. Also, people should never judge me, because what they see is not my wealth but my parents. I am like any ordinary person, except i live in my families apartment in Australia. Is that a crime? No it isn’t! Time and time again i’ve tried proving people wrong but getting knocked down that i no longer bother with them.

Now that the dead weigh is off me, i can focus on the more important things which is to finish my uni semester and eye fuck the hell out of this other guy from my class. As well as trying to flirt with him (extremely challenging but i’m trying). I still give the dj credit, even though he is 7months younger (total turn off), he had the decency to directly say how he felt rather than ignoring me like other guys have done in the past. It obviously took me by surprise because i was trying my hardest to not push someone away over minor details. He was actually the first guy to actually confront me like this, which suddenly made me feel for the first time in a long time feel a little disappointed but i quickly got over it. I would normally be the one to ignore the guy and cut them off without any warning. But i’m looking forward to my 4 month holiday back in London to see the family and friends again, it’s going to be fun and exciting.

 

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