Continuing from the previous post of (arranging a meeting), the more time passed the more i felt like i was going to sweat through my clothes. I’d been calling my mom on viber before leaving for moral support rather than backing out of the date, once the called ended, he messaged me to saying he was outside my apartment.
We embraced each other with what felt like the most awkward hug, acting as though i was comfortable and confident i just followed him to the car. Conversation was going smoothly, though i had to keep looking out the window or rubbing my hands like a 5 year old as i felt out of place. What made it worst was finding out that he was 6 months younger than me! Which completely ruined my guidelines to what i normally go for (has to always be older rather than my age – NEVER younger as i feel they lack experience and common sense to the way i see things).
He brought me to a small japanese restaurant, the restaurant wasn’t exactly busy, felling more tensed than ever and extremely fidgety with my feet, hand postures and looking around the restaurant, i was embarrassed having to eat in front of him. I’ve recently come to a realisation that i generally hate eating in public with people that i’m trying to impress. I quickly lost my appetite! Especially because i sounded like some spoilt lazy idiot compared to him, all i wanted to do was to be driven back home.
Once dinner ended he took me to a bar to continue our evening, i apologised to him for my behaviour and admitted for being nervous. (I don’t like being kissed in public!) Sensing he was going to lean in to kiss me i laughed nervously and glanced at the table next to us to the group of people to see if they were looking our way. He leaned in and kissed the living life out of my mouth, it was… Something! Very wet and little tongue, the rhythm felt very out of sink but i tried following the pace but i wasn’t in the mood nor wanting to be kissed i desperately wanted to pull back but i didn’t want to shatter his ego. We left shortly back to his car, thinking the date had ended i was waiting for him to open the car so i could enter the passenger seat. Instead he asked to sit at the back of the car, to dumb smacked i obeyed but i could see red flags flashing before my eyes, i knew where all this was leading to.
It took a couple of attempts to get comfortable, i ended on top of him and we kissed for a good couple of hours, eventually the kissing was on sink and was finally turning me on. He interrupted my train of thought by commenting on me liking to be on top, we moved positions though stunned at the comment i tried finding an answer that wouldn’t sound lame, so i told the truth that guys normally don’t often let me be on top.
For a moment, he stopped kissing me and started going down my torso. Instantly i stopped him and looked straight into his eyes, in a serious tone i said it was a no zone area. He respected my wishes and we kept kissing and changed positions again with me ending on top. We took each others shirts off as well as the bra, what was left were the shocks and jeans.
I kept hitting my head on the roof, so he sat on the seat and positioned me on top of him in a sort of sitting position with my legs tightly wrapped around his waist. The kiss now more intense and rhythmic, our bodies were starting to grind, the whole scenario was finally tuning out the voices in my head and for the first time i was lost in his embrace. He being a guy and sneaky, kept interrupting me saying “your body is saying yes while your head is saying no”, awkwardly laughing and wanting him to stop talking i kept kissing back but he wanted to know where this was leading “What are you scared off?”
This was the first time someone had asked me this question. To embarrassed and wanting to avoid answering i silently looked away, there were so many reasons – feeling cheap, used and because i didn’t want to be seen as easy on the first night! It was to late, we were both half naked.
I felt pressured to answer, so i agreed in continuing with what was happening, we went straight to fore playing. He knew what he was doing but what turned me off was the fact he kept staring at me when he was fingering me, what do i do? I exaggerated a little with the feeling of satisfaction and kept trying to close my eyes to block him out.
Finally the condom came out, and was on instantly, however, as i was about to position myself, i felt that his penis wasn’t the normal rock hard feeling. This was going to be a challenge! We tried but unsuccessfully couldn’t get it in. He got embarrassed and frustrated so decided to hit the door. What the hell was i witnessing!? Things like this happen?
I tried calming him down by showing moral support, by that point i’d dried up like a plum and all i wanted to do was get dressed. He tried continuing to finger me but i was not interested and told him to stop and i’d never orgasmed before which meant it might take longer for him to reach his goal. He embarrassed me by thinking i’d already come when he previously fingered me! We silently got dressed and prepared to drive off, it continued for the whole duration of our journey. I didn’t want to look at him so instead i distracted myself by looking out the window and playing with my fingers but also making small talk to break the tension.
Infront of my complex, i turned to him to thank him for the evening and continued to not budge. He awkwardly waved back with an awkward smile, so i leaned in and kissed him and told him not to worry about it and got out of the car.
The next morning all i wanted to do was hide under a rock! Two nights later, I saw him at a gig of his to show moral support and to show him that i wasn’t going to ditch him over his penis. I understood he was working so i sat in the booth for an hour doing absolutely nothing but watch people around me enjoying their evening. Eventually i gave up to leave and hugged him goodbye without making eye contact. I don’t know whether to give him a second chance or to just give up? I’m to embarrassed but also don’t have any attraction for him in that way to want to continue down this path, unless it’s to develop a friendship instead.