I seem to be going through a lot of frustration and anger, so i’m going to vent out because i’ll eventually feel better expressing myself, since i can’t do it to my own parents or brother, since there will always be a part of me that will keep them from the truth as to why i am always a sour bitch.
So while i rest and recuperate this nasty cough of mine i have nothing better to due other than think that i seem to be going through such a mid life crisis, and i haven’t lived properly! Just last week i experienced my first car accident, and it was MY fault, than i caught the flu from my sick family, and around this time exactly marks the 10year from the time my life had changed. Thinking about it RIGHT now makes it so much harder to write about it, instead it brings me back to that dark awful place and my hands begin to sweat. I don’t want people judging me once they hear this, because they will never believe me!!! That is why i choose to bare the burden and face the unhealthy lifestyle for the rest of my life.
Rewind a little before to understand why, don’t start blaming the period because it has nothing to do with it. I never used to be such a bitch, snappy rude and violent person, especially towards my parents. The older i get, the more i get pressured, so i take out my anger and frustration from not being able to deal with the burden i have been carrying in such a long time that i make sure to say the most horrible things to people close to me to feel hurt and start back away from me. I don’t like people starting getting comfortable around me! I don’t like people getting in my personal space and i DO NOT LIKE MEN doing any kind things, because all they are good and known for is taking advantage! I should know, it happened to me 10 YEARS AGO.
Yes people! I had been taken advantage by someone i used to really care about and used to think of him as a big brother, i also used to think of him as my favourite cousin. But now all this is different, i HATE him for taking away my innocence and childhood and way of life, all this because i was to naive. He is dead to me! As dead as a rotten corpse rotting in the ground. And for gods sakes he is now married and has a daughter with his new wife!!! What has the world come to? I pity the child and i haven’t met her nor do i want to acknowledge her.