Reason on starting sex diary

A single girl, 20, sexually fustrated with stupid men who seem to just want to mess with me and claim me as a sort of prize and be able to tell the world they’ve slept with me. The worst part of it all is i’ve NEVER experienced any form of orgasm, yes the typical act every woman seem to be champions with doing in those types of situations.

Men are literally stupid and gullible to believe we actually enjoyed the rough/painful/fast epileptic performance they’ve just done. I’ve also realized that all the men who are interested in me all those are engaged or in a long term relationship. I’ve fallen victim to them and slept with one who had a fiance in Russia, kissed another while his fiance was in Brussels, and recently another who had a fiance in Korea (he was trying to arrange a day so we could have sex) days before he was leaving the country. How desperate and infidel of them! I am not a whore to be messed around with, i have feelings thank you very much! I may be pretty but i am not a home wrecker!

If not taken men, it’s older men who are atleast 10 years older than me. All those horny men somehow become little children when i inform them i’ve never orgasmed, so they treat our sex sessions as a competition, something like the “race to being her 1st orgasm”.

Ever since losing my virginity with my one and only boyfriend, i seem to be going through alot of bad sex and bad encounters with men, none emotionally satisfy me. Maybe that is why i am such a bitch and have such high standards when it comes to mens appearance, penis size and personality, if they don’t meet the criteria, i never speak to them again. I’ve slept with 8men, and all of them i’ve slept atleast 1s or 2s, or maybe only 2men i’ve slept with a couple more times, but nothing to be proud of as they were all REALLY bad and not worth me spreading my legs for.

I’ve become so desperate to wanting to know the feeling of an orgasm, i went through such lengths to actually buying myself a rabbit vibrator, but even that doesn’t even satisfy me. I think through the years that have gone by, i’ve become more and more frustrated that i’ve become obssessive when i see a guy, i can’t stop thinking of them naked, how their package size is, checking their butts if its nice to look at, their face, and lastly if their the types to tug my hair and be able to bang my brains out against the bed post.

But unfortunately none of that has happened to me. What really pissed me off a few years ago is this stupid guy telling me that i’m so emotionally detached that in order to have an orgasm is by falling in love with someone in order to experience it, or the other option, just be promiscuous.

Sorry what kind of retarded solution is this? just to have an orgasm? Being in university, and living in a god for saken boring town i don’t go out during weekends, nor get to meet any HOT guys, only see ratty looking ones and their just so weird that i go completely celibate. Recently from coming back from London i never thought i’d have this whole alter ego of myself come out before, when i met all those gorgeous men, i became the biggest flirt and meeting with them all at once.

I kissed 7men during the trip, slept with 2men and fooled around with this god like gorgeous man which i wanted him to bang me so hard i was literally horny for a solid week! I never thought this side of me would go through such lengths to actually experience 2 one night stands in a matter of 4nights, even then they were completely useless.

One of them made my vagina SO swollen cos he was literally rubbing the skin till there was NO moisture coming out and the other was so drunk he took a few hours to be able to get his penis to erect, it was so rushed that when i left, hours later i had forgotten his name!

Its been 5 years since i’ve lost my virginity, 8 men i’ve slept with. Gotten urinal infection, swollen vagina from rough/clueless sex and even had to take the morning after pill due to a snapped condom and recently caught chlamydia (the mystery is still unresolved and this has thought me a lesson for not rushing into sex unprotectedly!). Kissed so many frogs who only know how to spit saliva in my mouth, i haven’t experienced a proper kiss which gave me this feeling of fireworks during it. Wanting only his kisses rather than taking it to bed!

How many more bad do i need to go through just to get a good experience in bed? My sex life is so useless i can feel spiderwebs growing in my vagina!

I’m also getting emotionally fustrated because i’d like to meet someone who likes me, not lust me. I want to be able to meet someone who will be able to stand me and be with me for more than 1-2days. But also, i need to be able to emotionally commit, which is a complete different story (i can’t emotionally like someone) only lust them, and once i kiss them and have sex, and the reward is disappointing, i loose all respect and lust.

About womensdiary


  1. Love the honesty in your work :). Thanks for stopping by my blog.

  2. I didn’t experience my first orgasm til I was 21 yrs old. It was with my now ex husband and he was by far NOT my first and most certainly not the best. I went through the same problems you did. I figured out for a long time that I had to be in charge in order to do it. Therefore everytime we had sex after that I was on top, because that was how it happened. Most men are clueless. It takes time. Not to sound disheartning, but I didn’t really start having an enrichened sex life until I was about 27. Now that I am in my 30’s it’s the best it’s ever been. I had to take time to find out what I liked, how I liked and then find someone who matched or exceeded me or someone to train. I was never into finding someone to train. So it’s been a process of elimination for me. I wish you luck!

  3. CJ

    I didn’t orgasm until last year, and I think I had 8 men in the last two weeks. None of them made me O either. Unless it’s some VERY special cunnilingus, I’m as well doing it myself. Or he has a mammoth penis…I like mammoth penis.

    Anyhow, keep the honesty up 🙂 It’s only by being completely honest with yourself that you’ll find out exactly what it is you want in a partner – sexually or otherwise.

  4. H.H.

    I’m enjoying the diary so far. Thanks.

  5. I too love your honesty!!! You and I are both on sexual journeys, just slightly different!!! Good luck with yours!!!

  6. I’m a 61-year-old bag o’ bones who hasn’t had a real intimate moment in 12 years. Seven beautiful women haunt me on Memory Lane. It would be terrible if there were none. I’m happy ~ probably because I blog. And you ladies are extremely lovely in mine eyes!

  7. Oh girl, I’m SOOO with you on this! I’ve got a few years on you so it’ll all come to you. Been there with the men who are taken and all that. All guys are scum but you’ll find your good guy eventually. Give it time…LOADS of time.

    • LOADS of time doesn’t sound good 😦 I tend to sometimes get a little jealous/envious when i see other people my age who are able to find another partner in a matter of days, but nevertheless, i’m still patient and still finding myself as a person. Right now it’s all about good fun which i’m still waiting to happen.

      • Exactly! You have to figure yourself out first! I’m 28 and barely have it figured out! The people that jump into relationships with the first one they find will end up alone sooner than you think! 🙂 You deserve something awesome!

  8. claudiagrant

    How old are the men you are sleeping with? When I was 20 the men my age were pretty rubbish. Try older? They tend to know more about what they are doing. As for an orgasm, keep trying it at home by yourself. You are unlikely to cum with someone else before you can do it alone. It took me until I was 20. A good clit vibrator, a comfortable place to do it and lots of fantasising. It’s mental, not just physical. You have to figure out what turns you on inside your head. As someone having lots of rubbish sex at 20 don’t worry, it gets better!

    • Thank you for the advice, will try doing more of it with the vibrator, even though its not really my thing.
      I’ve slept with all ages, from people my age till to the oldest of 27. It goes guy 1 – 16, #2 – 27, #3 – 24, #4 – 20, #5 – 21, #6- 20, #7- 23, #8 – 27 and even then their hopeless. I’m looking forward to the day that actually happens though.

  9. Yes, at one end of the spectrum, men are animals. At the other end of the spectrum are the men who have heads but no bodies. They’re no good either. What you will find, one day, is a man who is an animal with a lucid mind. This is what every straight woman ought to have, and what every good man strives to be. Anyway, thank you for checking out my page; it’s much appreciated. And best wishes.

  10. I didn’t come for years. The secret to being able to come is relaxing. Stop worrying about whether you’re going to come, worry about how to enjoy yourself. Once you find out that out you’ll come anyway

  11. tom

    Yes, the pursuit of the biggest package may be the evil twin of the pursuit of the biggest tits. But that all becomes secondary except for bragging rights and satisfying ones curiosity. For when it it unforgetable, one only thinks about pleasing ones partner and ones personal pleasure comes from that and that alone. It is amazing how inventive the mind can be when it comes to knowing ways to pleasure.

  12. I completely agree with ServaJess. You have to figure out what works for you and you should definitely “practice” more by yourself. I hate those guys that make it a competition for you to orgasm, it’ll never work because there’s too much pressure! The problem with one night stands is that you can’t (don’t) really explore each other. Even if you sleep with older guys – sure they might have more experience with sex in general, but not with you. And everyone’s different.
    Better to 1. not tell the guys you’ve never orgasmed (at least not until after you’ve slept with them) and 2. try to have sex with one or two of them a few more times even if you’re not necessarily emotionally invested.
    That’s my advice 😉
    (and I’m glad you liked my crazy dream!)

  13. Historical Romance Addicts

    I hate to sound bitchy but I think your problem is you come off as desperate to men. Men can smell desperation from a mile away, I’m told. They think you’re easy and so take advantage of you without getting to know you better. It’s true what they say: you’ll find someone when you least expect it. Give it time. Stop expecting it to happen, enjoy what you have now and you’ll find someone when you least expect it.

    • I agree with you, every time i think back on my experiences i’ve either lead them on or kept complaining about my failed ‘sex experiences’. Right now i’m quite happy with being by myself and enjoying some alone time etc, also focusing myself more with university and getting some work experience. Thanks for stopping by and sharing some advice 🙂

  14. I seriously feel for you . You must visit Good Vibrations online or in person if you live near one, it is a woman-friendly sex educational store. Buy books about female orgasm. Read Betty Dodson’s books on female masturbation. Read Susie Bright, Lonnie Barbach, Debi Sundahl, and I don’t know who else. Try out any of their suggestions with your rabbit vibrator. Go slowly and be gentle with yourself. Also, if you like reading sex, buy Herotica (Full disclosure, I’m the editor of #s 4-8). Rent videos made by women, at the moment thenames escape me. Self-educate! You do not need a man to discover and open up your sexuality. You’ll do better in fact if you take control of your sexuality and orgasm, find out what you like so you can tell inept lovers how to do you. That’s the best advice I can give. Oh, and do not pay attention to comments from people who think they know what they’re talking about but don’t, esp. if they are judgmental

    • Thank you so much for the advice Marcy, i’ll definitely have a look. I’ve been doing some research by looking at a few porn video’s but it’s different and mainly focuses on pleasing the viewer than the person getting ‘fucked’.

  15. PS: But people commenting here have all been kind, I didn’t mean to imply they are not…

  16. Love the blog!

    Sorry you are stuck in the sexual doldroms. Been there. I hated it!
    I know it doesn’t do you any good to hear people say, give it a few years, but that’s probably what will take.

    OK here is my real advice.
    Sexual pleasure requires two people willing to play.
    Guys that you don’t know well aren’t good playmates. Go somewhere to find someone who has similar interests other than sex. Someone you can stand to be around. Someone who will talk to you for a good length of time. When you know him a bit better, you can talk to him about your problem. Be willing to help him if he has one as well.

    For example, let’s say that you love skating. Then go to a skating club. Find someone nice with similar interests who would go out on a date with you. Then, even if you don’t have great sex the first time or the second time, or the third time, you could at least talk about skating afterward and maybe watch some cool videos in bed.

    Orgasms come easier if you are relaxed. I think these guys are just too stressful for you because you don’t really know them.

  17. Read a couple of posts. Beginning to love your honest and racy style of logging life events. In fact, I was imagining a film screenplay! And am sure you must have received a lot of advice as you have gone along; so shan’t pile on anymore. Just that, do not harbour past regrets when you meet new people. When you stop carrying your emo-baggage, you will start to enjoy the journey.

  18. It is very simple… To have orgasm, you have to be in love… real love…

  19. I have a rule that I ALWAYS make girls orgasm first. I’m totally focused on her pleasure first and foremost. Making a girl cum is the most gratifying thing in the world.
    And a side bonus is that she’s always eager to return the favour many times over.

  20. Pingback: Manosphere: Red Pill Women | 3rd Millenium Men

  21. Orgasmatron

    Best tip for becoming orgasmic is to meditate and to do some sort of yoga or qigong for your hip and pelvic area to make it flexible and open and to strengthen muscles in your pelvic area. In order to orgasm you need to be able to let go mentally and that is intimately connected to wether your breathing is free of constraints or tightly held. The info on this site should make your highly orgasmic if you actually do the work required:

    Her stuff pluss some extra work on breathing meditations/deep belly breathing should not only make you orgasmic but able to have multiple whole body orgasms.

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