Pills and blood

For months i had been running on egg shells with my ex boyfriend after we’d had sex for the first time, not telling anyone, especially our parents. When ever we had the chance to see each other outside of school during the weekend out in town, we’d run to the beach. A secluded area, pitch black, as though we were the only one’s on the island.

It was an act of rebellion and spontaneity, because we were so overwhelmed at the time in “love”. It was intoxicating, i couldn’t get enough of it, even though i didn’t know that the sex i was having with him wasn’t even great, but because he was my first, i didnt know much, especially on how the feeling would be like.

That night, we were fooling around in the cold winters night, when we had finished, i lied there half naked ontop of him. Kissing, and listening to the ocean hitting the rocks meters away from you. When it was time to leave the beach to go join our friends, my boyfriend noticed that the condom around him had snapped and half of the latex had been missing. Turned out it was inside of me, and that the liquid around my thighs weren’t from me but my boyfriends!

The worst time of my life hit me! I couldn’t tell my parents, my mom was away on holiday and just the thought of having that conversation with my dad, i could see my death wish with a huge grave stone on it. My coward of a boyfriend didnt say anything, thats when i knew i was left in the cold to fend for myself. Thankfully my aunt was living with us at the time, i confided in her that evening when she came over to pick me up.

I was extremely grateful that she didn’t over react, instead she was extremely calm and understanding. What can you do? Nothing, the deed had already been committed. I guess I was some how paying the price? When we went to the public hospital the next morning the doctor was extremely supportive, which surprised me, considering i was somewhat underage to be having sex in the first place.

He broke the ice by asking me if my boyfriend was my first and whether we’d be together forever, i laughed and said we had only been together for a few months. I didn’t want to give him the autobiography of my on and off relationship of a year with him. All i wanted was the prescription for the morning after pill and go home and never discuss the event to anyone.

A weeks after when my period came, it came in a huge gush, a side effect the doctor had warned me. It was so heavy and red it bleed through my jeans within seconds of feeling it. It was as though hearing an egg crack and a water fall cascading out of me. Not caring about the blood, i sighed in relief and told my aunt the good news.

She told me she wouldn’t tell my mom, because it wasn’t her place to be, instead she asked me to do it when i would see her the following week.

It was kaos! I will forever remember that look of disappointment and disgust my mom gave me, we were in a public restaurant, eating japanese, I didn’t know how to break it, so i yelled it out, all the bystanders must have heard the whole conversation. I kept repeating myself saying “its true! I’m not lying!” all my mom did was look at me and giving me the silent treatment and didn’t talk to me for the rest of the afternoon. I felt ashamed with my behavior and wanted to hide under a rock! I vowed to never disappoint her again, which i have kept ever since. Thankfully, when we had gone home, my mom kept the news away from my dad, but he somehow errupted when Jamie Lynn Spears broke out in the media saying she had fallen pregnant! Both my mom and i looked at each other and stayed quiet and calm. My dad however didnt, he acted as though it were me on the news and was freaking out! Now thinking about it, maybe he knew all along i had fooled around with my boyfriend? I just don’t dare mention anything about sex to him or guys in particular. It’s never a conversation a father/daughter should ever have.

Months later, i spoke to my mom beging her to make me go on the birth control pill just as precaution, even though i wasn’t regularly sleeping with my boyfriend, but i just didn’t want to go through that pathway again. Not only that, but the missing piece of the latex had finally come out of me.

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